Suicide Survivors' Day

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Today is the Suicide Survivors' Day.

This is just a part of what depression looked like to me. My therapist told me it wasn't depression as I tried to find an escape everytime I had a suicide tentative. Today I talked with someone who helped me get through these horrible thoughts a long time ago. Today I love my life. Not because of the context, of my job, of how much I love my family and my friends, not because of my love life or because of how I look. But because I love it and I enjoy everything that comes with it. It is a matter of perspective. Both the happiness and the depression. Both of them are inside jobs.That's why they ask "you have everything. How can you be sad?" or "it's terrible. Everything is falling apart? How can you smile in such circumstances". They say "enjoy the little things". Both wonderful and ugly little things surround the depressed as well as the happy people. It's not about what happens in our lives, but about what and how we choose to see it. I am not ashamed to admit that I was suicidal because this means I care, I am emotional, I feel intensely. But I survived it. And this also means I am no longer weak. Three months ago I found out that an acquaintance had killed himself. I felt terribly sorry because I hadn't talked to him in ages and he was a wonderful person. But in the same time I told myself that altogether with him I will bury my depression. And I went to the cemetery with a mutual friend. And long story short, that led to me being in a wonderful relationship I am no longer into. But I don't grieve because it was a beautiful experience that had to end. What I want to emphasis by this is that in the moment you decide to love yourself as you are and your life as it is, good things will come along 

Whatsoever, for the ones struggling right now, please be aware that there are other ways to end the pain or at least deal with it and to see what's gonna be in the next episode in your life.

Be strong for yourself. Be strong for the ones you love. Be strong for the ones you're about to love.

Thank you, survivors, for fighting and winning!